World Really funny jokes-Athlete

May 11nd Monday

There was an athlete who wanted to accept a scholarship to a well-known college. To be awarded it, however, he had to pass a physical, since it was an athletic scholarship.When Tim found out about the scholarship, he called his friends all to come over to his house to help him celebrate. They got plastered, and several of the friends had "donated" marjuana.The next morning, realizing that he would be asked to provide a urine sample, he knew the marijuana would show up in it. He had a brainstorm!!Calling his girlfriend on the phone, he said, "Hey, Patti I need a favour. Can you give me a small jar of urine? I'll need it for the physical tomorrow, and we kinda let things go here."Patti agreed, and within an hour, she came over, carrying a small mayo jar of yellow liquid.Tim thanked her, and he proceeded to take the "sample" to the college physical with him the next day. When the doctor asked him for a sample, he went into the restroom, and poured the urine Patti had given him into the vial.All was fine -- he thought!!Two days later, the athletic director at the college called Tim, and said, "I'm afraid we have to withdraw the scholarship offer.""WHY?" asked Tim."We just cannot," said the A.D., "have a pregnant man on our football team!"
Adult jokes-New sales associate
When Felix, the regional sales manager for a machine tools company, got home from the office, his wife couldn't help noticing that his tie was loose, his fly unzipped, his hair disheveled, he smelled of perfume, and his collar was covered with lipstick. "Rough day at the office" she commented."Not too bad," he said nonchalantly. "Had to break in a new sales associate, but I think she'll work out.""Does she take shorthand" asked his wife. ""No," blurted Felix, "but she gives it."

Really funny jokes-Something wrong!
Su Wong marries Lee Wong. The next year, the Wongs have a new baby.The nurse brings over a lovely, healthy, bouncy, but definitely a Caucasian, WHITE baby boy.'Congratulations, ' says the nurse to the new parents. 'Well Mr. Wong, what will you and Mrs. Wong name the baby?'The puzzled father looks at his new baby boy and says, 'Well, two Wong's don't make a white, so I think we will name him...'Sum Ting Wong
Kids jokes-Patience
Out Christmas shopping, my friend Darin noticed a mother with three little girls and a baby. The woman's patience was wearing thin as all the girls called "Mama" while she tried to shop. Finally, Darin heard her say, "I don't want to hear the word MAMA for at least five minutes."A few seconds went by, then one girl tugged on her mom's skirt and said, "Excuse me, miss."
Adult jokes-Black eye



Little Johnny's teacher noticed that he was sporting a black eye. She asked him what happened, and he replied, "Ma'am, you remember I told you how I sleep on the floor next to my parent's bed? Well, last night, my dad asked me if I was still awake, I said yes and then he punched me in the face.""Ok, Johnny", the teacher said, trying to help, " the next time your dad asks you if you're still awake, don't answer, just lay still and pretend to be asleep."All went well, until a few weeks later, Little Johnny came to class with another black eye. The teacher asked him why he didn't follow her advice.Johnny explained, "Ma'am, I tried to, when dad asked me if I was awake, I kept quiet and lay really still, and pretended to be asleep, but then Dad said 'I'm coming', and Mom said 'I'm coming too', and I didn't want them to go anywhere without me, so I shouted, 'Let me just put on my slippers, I'm coming too' and that's when I got punched in the face."
Short funny jokes-Malady
An Indian chief was feeling very sick, so he summoned the medicine man. After a brief examination, the medicine man took out a long, thin strip of elk rawhide and gave it to the chief, telling him to bite off, chew,and swallow one inch of the leather every day.After a month, the medicine man returned to see how the chief was feeling. The chief shrugged and said, "The thong is ended, but the malady lingers on."
Really funny jokes-Little Tony
Little Tony was 9 years old and was staying with his grandmother for a few days.He'd been playing outside with the other kids for a while when he came into the house and asked her,'Grandma, what's that called when two people sleep in the same room and one is on top of the other?'She was a little taken aback, but she decided to tell him the truth. 'It's called sexual intercourse, darling.'Little Tony said, 'Oh, OK,' and went back outside to play with the other kids.A few minutes later he came back in and said angrily,'Grandma, it isn't called sexual intercourse. It's called Bunk Beds.And Jimmy 's mom wants to talk to you...
Clean jokes-Wrong bus
A very drunken man gets on a city bus late one night, staggers up the aisle, and sits next to an elderly woman.She looks the man up and down and says, "I've got news for you - You're going straight to hell!"The man jumps up out of his seat and shouts, "Good heavens, I'm on the wrong bus!"


There was this 5-year-old boy named Johnny, and he was very wise in the ways of the world. His problem was that he was a compulsive gambler and couldn't resist making all these outrageous wagers."Hey Dad! Behind that pine tree you'll see two squirrels doing it!"The father was understandably shocked. "Son, how could you say such things? There are no squirrels doing anything.""Hey Dad, I just speak the facts. If I win, you pay me 5 dollars, if I lose, I pay you 10 dollars. That is a very reasonable offer."The father agrees to the wager. They walk over to the pine tree, and sure enough two squirrels are coupling. So the father forks over the five dollars as he promised.It so happened that September was just around the corner, and Little Johnny had to start kindergarten. Needless to say, the father did not Adult jokes-Compulsive gambler
want Johnny making his wagers with other innocent children. So he calls the kindergarten

teacher to warn her of his son."Err... Ms. Smith, I want to tell you that my son Johnny is prone to make explicit sexual remarks and even wager money on such. Could you please disabuse him of such a filthy habit by any means necessary?"The teacher says she will try.So the first day of class starts. Not even five minutes pass on the first day when Little Johnny pipes up. "Hey Ms. Smith! I will bet 50 dollars that you have brown pubic hair!"Obviously the teacher was flabberghasted by Little Johnny's remarks. She grabs his ear and hauls him to a side room. "I oughta spank you and wash out your mouth with a bar of Lava soap, you filthy little boy!"Little Johnny took this all in stride. "Hey Ms. Smith, I just speak the facts. If I win, you don't owe me anything. If you win, I will pay you fifty dollars." Little Johnny even pulls out the wad of bills to show the teacher he is not bluffing.Now Ms. Smith has blonde pubic hair and she is a severely underpaid kindergarten teacher. Besides, the father did request that she put an end to his wagers. What more appropriate way to end them than to prove him wrong for once in his life? So she peeks out the door to make sure nobody is at the door. She then locks the door and doffs her drawers in front of Little Johnny. Sure enough he can see that her pubic hair is blonde. Downcast he begrudgingly forks over the wad of money he bet."Now Johnny, I trust that you will never

make any bets ever again."Now Ms. Smith is quite proud of her little victory (and making a little change on the side). She calls up the father to tell of her success. "I am pleased to report that your son will never be wagering again."The father is quite curious as to how she did it."Well, err... You did say use any means necessary. Johnny bet me that I had brown pubic hair and, well... err... I proved him wrong.""Just how did you prove Johnny wrong?!""Well, uhhh... I took Johnny into a side room and I showed him my genitalia." Ms. Smith was quite nervous at this point."That goddamn son-of-a-bitch! He bet me 100 dollars that you'd take your underwear off on the first day of class....!"